no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
