i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
