Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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