dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
