I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I supernannyed him into submission
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize