My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
