At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
