I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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