We won't sleep together?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
