I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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