My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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