member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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