god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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