I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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