peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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