No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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