You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
