I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Welp...herpes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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