its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
