Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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