I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
