the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
