i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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