bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
