Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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