also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
