I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
