Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
