last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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