So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
