she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
