i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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