dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
