i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
