found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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