i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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