What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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