I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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