white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
