Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
