I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize