I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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