I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
