Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
