This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
