I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
