Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
