do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
