in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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