was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
