I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
