so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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