I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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