I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
