Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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