so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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