Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
