She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
