Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
