so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
