Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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