He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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