I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
