SEEEEXXX PLEASE
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
