The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
