told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
