Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
