Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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