I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
