I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
