Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
