my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
