I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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