I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize